LIFE. It has been really interesting so far. Losing it all and feeling like I'm in quicksand to having access to practically everything and finally having the opportunity to feel hope. I'm officially twenty one and I honestly can't believe I've survived for this long but I'm beyond grateful and blessed to be one of the lucky ones who spontaneously decided not to give up. As I've gotten both professional help and a support system, it has been a big eye-opener for what I've been missing out on because I let my depression and anxiety hold me back for so long. But here I am, no longer letting it define me. Happiness to me, is something that can kind of be a choice and something not necessarily earned easily. I wouldn't say I'm the most happiest person but I am no longer devastated and that is one of the best feelings ever.
Over the last three years, since my family abandoned me, I have progressed so much with my personal goals. I achieved many of them, created outstanding new ones and focusing on that. I vividly remember one time my mother telling me she would make my life a living hell and made sure I wouldn't even get to finish high school. That stuck with me so long and the main reason was because the person who gave birth to me literally hated my guts so much she openly told me she was going to ruin my life. It was creepy to know how insane she was and how much I meant nothing to her but a burden because I wasn't a slave and refused to ever be one. Another reason it stuck with me was because it was an eye opener that even your own mother would be the one out against you. Just imagine it though, it happens a lot! You tell someone you claim is your friend about your goals and they yap on and on about how it's not possible. Isn't that creepy? Rather than motivating you or supporting you, they tear it down. But here I am mom, the first child of yours in college. Here I am, mom: the first person in our family to own a luxury car. Here I am, mom! I am the first person in our family to be able to pay my bills on time and finish a lease. I am the first person to see savings in a savings account. ETC ETC ETC. The list goes on. And not to rub in anyone's face, but I am proud. I am so proud of myself and through this journey, I realized being my own hype man is enough to keep me going. Shout out to my amazing boyfriend and the little friends that stuck around. Cheers to this journey that still continues.