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It’s happening and I’m not ready for it…..

This weekend should’ve been one of the best days of my life but mainly the whole time I was worrying about how am I going to make it through what is about to hit me. Saturday, my bestfriend finally made it to Georgia and she came straight to my house. I was honestly so happy that any action could not describe it. All day today we hung out too but I felt as if I ruined our time together. I wasn’t the happiest I usually am and I didn’t do anything much fun. But us being around each other is amazing too! I probably sound like gaylord right now, but you know what…I don’t care because it’s true. That how much of best friends we are. I know I’m about to go through something tough and I just want to sit here and cry knowing that she’s not going to be here comforting through the whole time.

My mom has been talking about moving again. There are many good reasons why we should move but to be honest, I don’t want to at all. She’s thinking about moving just right up the street and I can’t. I feel as if that is too much of task for me to do. I feel like a bother to my mom. A bitchy daughter who cries over anything and making a big deal of just moving up the street. If she could only see how that affects me a lot in the inside. I just feel horrible. I don’t even know how to explain this. Oh yeah, it’s called depression. I feel so numb and tired. Sleep cannot cure how tired I feel. Everything is getting overwhelming for me. I went a very long time with being happy and loving life but now I feel like I’m to break….I want to lay in bed all day crying. I don’t want to do anything. Tomorrow I have to go to school. I don’t even want to step one inch outside of my front door. I don’t know what to do. I want help. I want comfort. I want everything to stop. This is just something you cannot explain and that’s why I sound so retarded right now but I want to talk and go on and on and since I have nobody to talk to, I thought I should just blog about it. I feel like I’m going to go back to my old days..Sleeping every second I get, staying in my room all day and just feeling so numb all the time. I actually think my cutting ways will come back and my insecurities about my body and crazy dieting will come back also. What can I do? Nothing. I have nothing to say now. No words to describe this. I just took the longest nap and woke up about 2 hours ago. Now I’m gonna go back to sleep, wake up at 5 wishing that today seeing my crush’s face with make me feel better (but watch it not) and then come home to tell my mom that today was amazing. Yeah I’m gonna blog and cry then go to bed.