6.27.13

I recently went downhill, experienced a horrible and different form of anxiety attack and that was basically how my days were going until recently. I met up with someone a couple of days ago and since then, I’ve been moderately happy and in a good mood. Messaging someone first who I’m not very close with, is basically one of my phobias. If they don’t reply, or lead the conversation on they way I expected them to, I just start spazzing. not feeling so great and like right now, feeling quite depressed. I feel like I give off a bad vibe or they just don’t like me if I message them first and now it caused me to overthink! I started to like this person probably more than they like me. They have someone better to talk to, they are tired of me, I’m annoying. Basically, I’m not going to even reread this and fix mistakes or choppy thoughts because I just feel so sad right now. I found happiness and knew it wouldn’t last forever so I lived in the moment, savoring every single moment but I wasn’t expecting it to slip away this fast and this soon. OH WELL. I mean I think I might be able to get over this the next time I leave my house but I have no plans for tomorrow so it might not be a pleasant day for me.

I just made myself a cup of hazelnut iced coffee (typical) and now I’m questioning why I even let this get to me but I know I’m only questioning that because I probably like coffee more than I like people. ANYWAYS: Other than this mood swing I had earlier today, what has been going on with my life? Nothing much! Trying to get everything everything settle so I can get my schedule for work, watching Korean dramas half-ass and sleeping a lot! Something awesome is that I made a friend and a Korean tutor at the same time. One more thing I have to say before I end this post is that I lost around 10 pounds and now at the weight I used to be the heaviest at and now if I lose about 15 more pounds I’ll be at my normal weight and then I can happily lose weight after that without falling deep into depression because I’m no longer overweight (probably tbh since I’m not at my normal weight again yet) therefore I can’t really sob about being fat (thinking). The hard work is paying off!

I started this post when I was sad but now I’m just hungry and tired so I think I’m gonna eat some eggs and a smoothie! I guess this was an update by the way~