9.14.13>>9.22.13

9/14/13

I’ve been so busy between school and work which is quite sad since I haven’t even been making good grades!  I’m not going to get hard on myself about that since I do know myself and I know it’s because of something has been going on to make me feel sidetracked, and now I think I’m getting better!

I’m now starting to learn how to manage my time and somewhat put myself on a schedule haha. Also, I just started to work out again not just preparing myself for soccer but it’s just good for my health mentally and physically. Yes, I have decided not to quit soccer. A friend of mine died recently and it really felt like a wake up call to stop giving up, set goals and reach for them! So far, as I’ve been typing, I feel like I’m just cutting to the chase already instead of dragging it out like I usually do haha.

I’ve been picking up crazy, late hours at work AND on school days which is crazy! But I can’t be complaining since I really need the money right now. This sounds crazy embarrassing, but I didn’t have my phone on for a while and I finally paid for unlimited on my own lololol (sounds so simple but I’m still 16 okay).  I also bought a phone case for my phone…I’m trying to remember what I bought earlier than the phone case but I cannot so I guess very pointless stuff haha (food!)

9/22/13

Lately, I’ve extremely busy to the point it makes me feel so stressed out. Since last night, I’ve been depressed. Why is so stressful??! I barely have time to breathe, and after all my hard work, it feels like it was all for nothing. I hate feeling so worthless, ugly, stupid, useless, bothersome, a failure. I have nothing positive to say right now but I wanted to update my blog. I want to look back at this blog one day not looking at empty gaps but words of mine. At least here, I don’t feel so burdened and as if I have to be the best. I want to be in my bed all day crying and I can’t. It’s so annoying. I hate working, I hate school, I hate interacting with people, I hate having to eat, I hate washing my hair, I hate everything. I want to go away for a while and just have a break from everything. I want to sink deep into the sea. I’m so tired of having to act like I’m alright; I’m just really fed up right now.