January 1, 2013

Am I the only one who is having a crappy New Years?

Lol this sucks pretty bad. My mom has to go to work at 3AM so went to bed early, my sister went partying with her friends and my brother is getting intoxicated. All that is left is me.. a lonely, friendless, ugly, bored person. Everyone is updating their statuses as if they're having a ball which just made me feel 10x worse. It wouldn't be all that bad except for the fact that I'm BROKE. Why crave friends when you got money and can buy yourself pretty presents! I do not have friends nor money so this just felt so crappy and horrible. I have nobody to whine to so I am just writing a post about it which probably nobody will see.

Plot Twist: someone sees this and automatically wants to become friends with me

ha ha haaaa funniest joke I have said so far in 2013. Hopefully lots of happy days are in store for me this year. So many sad and depressing days I experienced in 2012 please life, give me a break and a chance to experience happiness. Also let me experience having a job hahaha.

Hopefully I am the only one having a crappy New Years. This is the worst feeling ever I wouldn't wish it upon anybody (I guess it's one of the worst feelings because you're experiencing it on a holiday where you're supposed to be happy and celebrating but just feeling like a sack of poop!)

New Year’s Resolution

2012, You were so bad to me.

2013, Please be good to me.

During , 2012 I finally realized what life was, and what everything meant to me. If you think the journey to realization is a piece of cake, then you’ve been fooled. I went through a lot of hell this year and wish to finally be happy. I hope to find happiness with myself in 2013. I hope I get back on track and not to be greedy of love. When I’m sad or depressed, I hope I will be the one to cheer myself up; I no longer want to rely on people. I have realized throughout this year that the people I thought I could rely on, I really couldn’t. People are worthless fools. I no longer want to believe and spend much time on other people’s opinions of me. Whether it’s good or bad, it doesn’t matter because it’s all trash and useless to me. I hope to get closer to my weight goal and look in the mirror and at least sometimes think that I am beautiful. I wish that I will stay focused in school, get the best of grades and stay interested in learning Korean. Hmm, I guess this is all~

My ‘New Years Resolution’ sounds different from others I guess you could say. Even it wasn’t about to be a new year, I will still would try to do and achieve these things. Also, I used words like hope and wish because there is a possibility that I won’t do/achieve these things in the year of 2013 but I hope to!

Explaining my ‘Resolutions’:

I am person to get very distracted and do things that avoid me from doing things that are on my to-do list. Girls..always get their heart broken and it’s mainly because they ended up with the wrong man for them because they were greedy for love. They fell in love with a guy because his moving words and actions. They fell in love too fast and were not expecting this random breakup..All girls have this problem and I wish they would at least try to stop being idiots! I have went through 2 horrible relationships and hope to never experience that again but it may happen because some days I feel lonely and jealous so I then greed to have a relationship and to be in love. Have you ever wrote a status on Facebook saying that you’re sad or just went through a tragic situation? Everyone pities you and comments on your status saying they’ll be there for you if you need someone to talk to. Just know that is complete crap. I don’t know who on my friends list they are trying to show that they are thoughtful to because obviously they aren’t commenting that for my benefit! Every single person I thought that was there for me, was not. I realized that all the people I recommended my friends and buddies have forgotten about me. Instead of crying a river to someone who does not care, cry to someone who does. Guess who you know for a fact cares? you. Do not rely on others but just rely on yourself because you are all you got at the end of the day. You will never backstab yourself and you will always be 100% real. People always have something they want to say about me. Whether it’s good or bad, I always ended up thinking about it. Whenever someone calls me ugly or fat, I do not care. I already know I’m ugly and fat so why should it affect me if I hear it come out of someone else’s mouth? Haha I just hope to enforce this more in 2013 and instead of having a straight face when someone calls me fat and ugly, I want to laugh. I do get compliments time to time but I hate them more than when I get insults. Most the time that I am complimented it when they find out that I think of myself of ugly and fat. They tell me I’m so skinny and very very pretty. I can tell that they aren’t lying and it’s sweet to let them know that they think the opposite but why do they think that will magically change my opinions on myself? Everyone has different opinions and someone’s opinions about themselves don’t always have to be positive so let me be. I have a weight goal that eventually I wish to reach. Everyone has shared their 2 cents about my weight goal number and that is fine but pointless that they wasted their breath because I’m not losing weight for anyone’s personal preference but mine. There are also times when I just cringe when I look in the mirror because I am just so ugly. I wish one day that I could compliment myself. Finally, I would like to stay focused in school. I realized the importance of education right in time (before it was too late!) and I wish to not fall back and still care about my grades as I do right now. Finding about Korean music has changed my life. During the bad times, I was able to take my mind off it but learning about Korean culture, finding new amazing music artists to listen to in this language, and watching their shows. South Korea has such an interesting culture and lifestyle and I am grateful that I took  my time to learn about it and somewhat experience it. Probably because it interested me during this very dark time during my life, I am very grateful towards it and hope to keep studying Korean and be fluent in the language one day. This may sounds weird but in the future, I want to go Korea and do good deeds. This country’s existence helped me get through a rough time in life, it would make me feel better doing charity work or something there.

If you have any New Year’s Resolution, please comment share! I would like to hear about yours also ^^

Drama Freak

Merry Christmas!!

Christmas was 3 days ago but I’ve been so  ‘busy’ hahaha

Guess what?…..I got nothing –,- My older brother and sister treated themselves to expensive gifts (they have jobs!) and my mother spoiled the crap out of my baby brother and sister and just left the middle child (me) in pain ); I’m just kidding though. I thought I would care if I got presents but I really don’t. Plus my mom bought me a lot of clothes but I wanted it early. My sister got me a mug with green tea awhhhhhhh. Very thoughtful because I love green tea ^-^

This whole time during vacation, I have been ignoring everybody and been staying up late because I have been watching…Korean dramas~ ohh yeah, how typical of me. I watched about 5 dramas so far but the only names that pop to my head are ‘Heartstrings’ and ‘49 Days’. Heartstrings has been one of my favorite new (I guess you could say modern?) dramas. The plot was very different than for others as if it was targeted for younger audience…like young haha. I thought it was so cheesy and cute. During most of the episodes, I would be laying in bed rolling around and kicking because the scenes are just too cute and make me want to die. Just kidding (not really; made me feel like I will really be forever alone!) I want to have a cheesy romantic life like that ): It is now 7:17AM and I am about 50 minutes into episode 9 of 49 days. This show……omo I just really love watching dramas that have storylines that I am not familiar with. What is also a plus about this drama is that it feels like it’s in between modern and typical (as in those serious, DEEEP dramas). Basically this girl has this perfect life and all of a sudden she dies because someone trying to change the time of fate (suicide) so she is giving another chance to live but in someone else’s body. She has 49 days to find out 3 people who truly care about her. Also she realizes her perfect life is not so perfect as she thought. I will not say more about this show it is SOOOO good. I have a headache because I stayed up late but I can’t stop watching. Yes, it is that good so watch. I love Korean culture, music, lifestyle etc but their dramas…just perfection. People read books to escape from their troubles by reading a really good book. I do the same but mainly with dramas. Oh my goodness they are just so entertaining. I love the ones that make you cry but then again I hate it when it makes you get watery eyes in the first 5 episodes like no, I cannot go on >.> I feel like a bad person for not replying to all these texts but sorry too busy (haha more like a distracted lowlife) So tired!!

Gonna go to bed now (FINALLY) but before I do just…..look at one of the main male actors in 49 days

Cha Chi Soo is in it too (haha ^-^)

12.19.12

Hello!

Before I start talking, I will like to say my prayers go out to the families who lost a child in the Newtown shooting and I’m so sorry for you to go through a tragedy like this. I’m still in shock to the point I still think this whole incident is unreal but I will still like to show my respect and I just feel so bad thinking about this. If you haven’t heard about this incident yet, click here.

Five days ago I started writing this blog post but stopped eventually after typing because I was depressed for a few days and didn’t would write regretful things in the heat of the moment. I am feeling happy again (finally!). I have so much to talk about but I will just update you okay. Instead of writing ‘Update #X’ as my title, I will just put the date because I will not keep track of which number it is :x This week I had finals. Friday I already took my Spanish final. Monday I did my History and Math final. Spanish was quite easy except the grammar (I suck so badly at grammar, even English grammar) and their was a lot of grammar..the only reason my grade would be low (if it is). I studied for history. I studied everything but Africa thinking they wouldn’t talk much about it because we talked so little about it but no..their was like 10 questions over it. WHY. My math final had less solving equations like noooo…so easy please give me more. Instead, there was a lot of stuff about graphs and I suck at graphing information >< Tuesday was Biology and Health. Won’t get into description about those subjects because they were both easy. And today, I had Guided Study and Language Arts. GUIDED STUDY…Had to sit in a room for 2 hours doing absolutely nothing. I regret not laying on the floor and sleeping because I kept trying to sleep on the desk and it was so uncomfortable oh my goodness, never again. Language Arts was just a lot of reading and questions to go along with the passage. You would say it’s easy (usually is) but my final had 2/4 options that could be the correct answer and I just stared at my paper, kept rereading the passage and just thought to myself, ‘ahhh 몰라!’ and picked whichever one which caused me to get a 79 haha but I still passed and I still have a good grade in that class!

Christmas is in 6 days and everybody has gotten expensive presents except me. My sister bought herself a laptop as a early Christmas present then my sister and 2 brothers got a 3D DS. Me?? So far I got clothes….CLOTHES. I sound so ungrateful but really can I get an expensive electronic too? My Blackberry Bold broke about 4 months ago and my mother never once offered to replace it. Phone companies always have deals when you sign with them so you can nice phones very cheap and even free. Instead of buying it on a regular day, that’s my present…….SO MANY DOTS YES BECAUSE I JUST FIND THAT REDICULOUS. If my mother put money into it ($100-200 at least) I don’t think I would ever complain about this. I know for a fact I will have to get one of those phones that are on a deal and why?? If it’s the only expensive present I’m getting, then it should be expensive and technically you getting it free or on a deal is not expensive therefore I just think it’s really irrelevant. I just realized the main reason I’m complaining though is because…

THE GALAXY NOTE 2

This phone is all I want. My birthday is in February and I won’t want ANYTHING (seriously) if I get this phone. PLeAsEEEEEEE. I sound so desperate but it’s because I am. I don’t think anyone understand how much I adore this phone.

I will now share the prices this phone is listed on different carriers:

Sprint: $299.99US

Verizon: $299.99US

AT&T:  $299.99US

If I don’t go on the plan the phone is $600 oh my goodness I feel like I’m about to die just thinking about these prices. This has now snapped me back to reality..SIGHHHHHHHHHH, I even though about getting the first Galaxy Note but it’s $199.99 and that price doesn’t make me want to die less. SIGH I love you Samsung but these prices….Made such beautiful electronics that only are only available to people my age who have rich parents or parents who are not cheapskates (WHICH IS RARE I SAY)

I will do plenty of posting this week so I do not feel bad for finishing this post. So tireddd

Goodnight ;*

Update #2?

Lately I have been busy with school and procrastinating! Procrastination takes up most of my time causing me to be stressed out badly. One day while procrastinating on Tumblr, I came by this post which was titled ‘Finals Survival Guide’. It basically give tips like study in a quiet place while listening to easeful music and drinking a cup of tea/coffee. The MOST important tip was a website blocker! Today I had an Grammar Final, Spanish Speaking Final and History Writing Final. I get very anxious and try so hard to study but I keep getting distracted so I decided to download the website that blocks distracting websites. So helpful! I got 7 hours worth of studying done last night ^-^ I’m so thankful right now towards this website blocker right now because I had my grammar pre-test packet for over 2 months and never once tried to fill it out until last night (I know, BAD!). I was able to finish it and review it a couple more times before heading to bed. When I got my test, I remembered parts but I felt as if I were putting the answers in the wrong spots. My teacher being an angel that she is, let us use our grammar pre-test in the last 5 minutes of class!! Thank goodness I filled it out last night! I would’ve probably gotten a 50 at most but I now probably got an 80 and I’m so happy about that right now! I have 2 more finals in Language Arts and I need to pass them or else I would be on the verge of failing after my grades are put in the grade book and you know how bad that looks??! HORRIBLE. I’m happy that I care about my grades because it motivates me to put some effort at least. I can’t explain how happy I am to know that I won’t have a horrid grade on my grammar final. I’m usually quiet in class but when I found out that we could use our pre-test I screamed ‘God bless your soul!’ Hahah just because I was so happy and for some reason I’ve been saying that lately ><

Yesterday we had a sub and he happened to be the boy soccer coach ooooOOOoo (if you didn’t know, I want to join my school’s soccer team) so at the end of class I asked, “Excuse me, do you know who the girl soccer coach is?” And it happened to be one of the coaches I see everyday in gym. At the end of gym class today, I asked for soccer information and we had a little chit chat about my family’s country (Trinidad & Tobago) and then he gave me advice to start training as much as I can now especially my running since I have never been on a soccer team before. My goal wasn’t to make varsity because I know I have little experience. One day we went outside to play soccer on the field during gym class. A girl in my class is on the soccer team and she was amazing *O* like doing these awesome tricks and it was so easy for her to keep the ball with her. She seemed very advanced in soccer which made me feel good at the end of our game because I was able to get the ball from her and ended up making more goals than she did (others were playing but I would say mainly us). I’m so excited because this is my favorite sport and I always wanted to be on a team and I finally can. Conditioning starts next month woo.

A couple of weeks ago my dad sent me and my siblings money. And because I’m the youngest, I get the lowest amount of money. Makes sense (NOT!).  Instead of being ungrateful and pouting around at how I can’t buy most of the things I need/want with $50, I bought myself a pair of shoes because at least I can buy one thing, right?

My favorite pair of shoes:

At the top, you can see that the sole is ripping off. Other problems that you can’t see is that they are EXTREMELY too big. I am a size 9 (Women US) so I usually get that size or a 9.5 but I really wanted these shoes and they only came in a size 10 >< I’ve had these shoes for 1.5 years but I think my feet shrunk! These shoes were always big on me but now it’s too the point they won’t even stay on my feet and they are so thin that they just slide off my feet and I can take 3 steps without noticing. I have another pair of shoes like this but they are harder and not comfortable like these. These shoes and my handmade slippers from Trinidad are my favorite pair of shoes because they are so comfortable okkkkk but now it’s too cold for my sandals and these pairs are trash :C

Anyways, I bought a pair of gray Toms because people say they are comfortable plus they are cute and look like they can last long. I bought a 9.5 and hopefully it’s not big (you’re supposed to buy a size down from your shoe size and I didn’t because not in the mood the send back and get replaced if my big foot don’t fit into a size 8) They were $44 and if I were to pick express shipping it would be +$18 or so and I’m not gonna die if my shoes don’t come the next day. Waste of money!!

Christmas is coming up soon! My mom and sister said they bought a ton of clothes and shoes for me. This is the second year I will be begging my mom to buy me some moccasins with the fur in the inside haha she thinks they are ugly so  keeps refusing. She will give in eventually (hopefully)

If someone decides to buy me wedges like this, I will be so happy.

Well this was a little update on my life~ Going to Melbourne shuffle for the next hour c;

Samsung, baby

Today I heard a lovely song by Nell called ‘White Night’ (백야)

Nell never disappoint me, their music always beautiful and make me get attached. It’s as if they write their lyrics off of personal experience and pour their heart into their songs. Absolutely amazing song! I actually cried when first hearing it and I don’t know if it’s because I relate or because it just so  beautiful that is made me emotional.

Click here to read translated lyrics.

The past few weeks, I’ve been going crazy over something and that something is……THE GALAXY NOTE 2.

God bless your souls Samsung, for making such a beautiful, amazing phone BUT WHY THE PRICE SO HIGH??! I understand it’s a new phone but…..$300 USD. As if this phone only made for rich people! I beg my mom for this phone asking to make this my birthday/Christmas present. Actually I want nothing from her but this phone. I think I actually liked it before it even advertised in America. I was watching the Korean drama ‘Big’ and I saw it. I fell in love when I saw Kil Da Ran using this big, pink phone. Basically after a couple of episodes, I gave in and googled what phone she was using and it said Samsung Galaxy Note. This whole time I’m thinking it’s the first one but there was a home button at the bottom in the middle of the phone but the first galaxy note doesn’t have it so I realized it was the Galaxy Note 2. I WANT IT SO BAD! I get a job in about 2 months but my paycheck will be too low to buy the phone and put on a plan –sigh-. I will eventually get it, I promise! If you reading this, you also invest your money in a Galaxy Note 2 ok! It’s fantastic A++.  Everybody eyeballing the iPhone 5 tsktsktsk… Samsung is better you fools. About 90% of everyone at my school has an iPhone and I get so annoyed because they think, “OOoooOO iPhone so kEwlLL”. If they reviewed phones, they would not had made that stupid choice. I seem like a big iPhone hater and yeah….I am! LOL I just never liked them and I don’t like them more than ever this year because all the people shoving their phones in my face as if I care.

What if Samsung sent me the Galaxy Note 2…..WHAT IFFFF. I dream too much but that would be a wish come true. I should invest in a piggy bank okay I have a lot of saving to do. Listening to my playlist and on 바람기억 by NAUL. Ugh so bootiful. Well I guess this was an update about what has been on my mind lately~

Good and BAD newbies

So there are two solo rookies out right now that I know about. One is not so well known and the other is well known:

Lee Hi & Baek Seung Heon.

Lee Hi’s song ‘1234’

Baek Seung’s song ‘Til The Sun Rises’

Lee Hi’s MV has 6,174,715 views so far. Baek Sung’s? 136,939!

I listened to each song.

1234

The beat is annoying. Yes, it was in trend a WHILE ago so I understand for that being chose. As I listen more , her voice gets too bothersome for me. Maybe it’s the style of the music I don’t like. I thought a whole bunch of people would agree with me on this but obviously not according to the views on her MV. This style doesn’t suit her and I agreed on this opinion of mine when I found out her age. 15!! And I know a bunch of young artist sing about love and break up but I don’t know….I feel as if they were bitchy and rude as if she will say “I’m grown hunny”. You can read the lyrics here. Her lyrics remind me of somebody like…Keyshia Cole. There is a song called Trust and Believe (lyrics here). The only reason I know of this song because one day my sister blasting this song a million times and I’m just like what it is this crap leh. If Lee Hi’s song was translated into English and I could understand 100% of the song, I will dislike this song 10x more than I do right now because not only would it be her vocals and song beat, it would also be the lyrics of the song. Now I did hear another song by her, and I love it! It suits her way better than ‘1234’

Please YG, more music like this for her, okay?

Til The Sun Rises

This is my favorite song at the moment! The first time I watched the MV (and heard the song) I just squealing a little inside because he was melting my heart. Sometimes when I react to a song this way, I already know the lyrics are amazing. I was correct! when I read the lyrics, I looked as if a spasm but my eyes were still glued to the screen. You can read the lyrics here but I preferred to read along with the video playing

Also, do you see his face?????!! SO CUTE.  Look at his dimples aww ♥ . I also loved the choreography! Most of K-Pop group overdo the dancing and I feel as if they rely on it too much. The dance moves in the MV looked simple and just enough. Also when he does like moonwalk dance, it’s like the cherry on top okay. I enjoyed it. Well I came to that stage in my music listening that Pop gets really annoying after a while. I heard he sings Dance Pop and R&B and this song sounds like a mixture of both. Not too pop and not too R&B. I can listen to this song in any mood I am and I don’t want to scream and take this song off. Actually when I’m in a bad mood, I won’t listen to this song because it doesn’t suit my mood but it’s in my playlist so when it plays, I start to smile. I can relate to this song more than I can to ‘1234’. Yes we all had our breakups but I don’t understand how that song is supposed to benefit anyone. I don’t think it will make me feel better or make me sadder. Maybe Sherry who is a confident buttface and just had a breakup and could relate to 1234 but I’m not Sherry. Do you know what we all had other than breakups?? A CRUSH. And now that I think about it, I probably go wild over this song because I have a crush on someone right now ^^. Baek Seung Heon’s voice is so beautiful.

I wrote this post because every single time I go on Twitter, always news about Lee Hi! Then I’m on YouTube and her song is #1 on Korea’s chart! Obviously I’m upset because this song was not all great and people going wild over it. After realizing this, I just wanted to listen to my favorite song at the moment and then I see how low of views he has on his MV compared to Lee Hi’s and he was nowhere on the chart! I was flaming but then I remember it’s probably thoughtless little children listening to her music. Rude for me to call them little kids when I am in the same age group as them but they reminding me of little kids!  As if they like this song just because just like some Justin Bieber listen to him just because.

Another new artist that I heard (and think is better than Lee Hi *cough*) is Roh Ji Hoon. His song (Punishment) also has one of those beats that was trending a while ago but doesn’t he pull it off so well? :D

Even though his song that is ‘big’ right now didn’t annoy me, I do prefer his other songs

I’m so fat

It’s 4:22AM and I am just watching a bunch of videos I used to watch at the beginning of this year and I feel as if this brings me back to that time. At first it feels nice bringing back good feelings and memories and then I remembered how healthy I was. Every single day I worked out a minimum of 45 minutes! I drank a lot of water and tea but now all I drink is orange juice (my mom says it’s not all that healthy and I agree). I am starting to feel down thinking about how I’ve been eating a lot of fattening, unhealthy food. For the past 5 weeks, I’ve been eating ramen at least 3 times a week. Gross! I personally think that I were slimmer, that I would look better. I want to be skinnier but I eat like a fat pig..smart, right?! I just keep saying ‘waaaa’ over and over to myself because if anyone could see how much I’ve been eating these past few weeks, you would be saying the same thing.  I think it’s complete crap to track how many calories I eat a day so no I’m not going to that. I need to stop eating less of bad food/drinks and start working out again!

My height is 5’5.5 and my normal weight is around 135lbs. My highest weight would usually be around 145. People say I shouldn’t listen to average weight for my height because my bone structure is different so I goggled it~

Small Frame : 117-130

Medium Frame : 127-141

Large Frame : 137-155

I am medium and my average weight is 135….6lbs away from the borderline waa. People might say my goal weights are too extreme but do I care? No because it’s my body and I set these goal weights.

130>125>120>115>110>105

YES, I WANT TO BE 105lbs! If I end up stopping at 115lbs though, I wouldn’t mind. Something I fear about planning to lose all this weight is that I have a weird body type. My upper body is tiny, but my butt and thighs are what that is big. IF I get to 105lbs, my lower body would look fine but what about my upper body? UGGGH. But why am I stressing over it when I’m nowhere close to my GW yet.

ha..ah ha.. Yeah let me not worry yet

I wrote this around 4 in the morning but got too distracted to even finish my blabbling about my health/weight wow. Today I went on a long walk and I feel awesome! Ahh~ I am getting back there little by little.

fasheen~

Today I just found out about a group called Glen Check and oh my goodness, they are amazing.

Anyways, lately I’ve been caring more and more about fashion. My mom says my style changes so much so she doesn’t even bother trying to buy me clothes. I rather have no new clothes than a closet full of clothing I don’t even wear/like. In a couple of months I plan on getting a job and buy my own clothing and accessories but until then, I will drool over fashion on tumblr that I think is quite lovely. This post is just gonna be filled with LOTS of pictures that I personally like which varies from American, Asian and European inspired fashion.

This should be enough to sum it up~

(Looks so sloppy but don't hate! I TRY)