BIG

Just finished watching the last episode of Korean drama ‘Big’.

Before I start rambling on, I will point out basically the main characters in this drama.

Seo Yoon Jae

Kang Kyung Joon

Gil Da Ran

Jang Ma Ri

So the drama is basically about a “Miracle”. The lady’s son ( Seo Yoon Jae) was sick and he needed a blood transfer. She had two baby eggs (one of her son, and then another one). Because she was too weak to give birth to another child, her husband found someone else to give birth to the child (whose name is Kang Kyung Joon). After her son got the blood and was feeling better, for some reason she denied and hated her other child (Kang Joon) that was implanted in the other woman. She just thought of him as a person that was born to save Seo Jae’s life. But I guess that didn’t really matter because the woman who gave birth to Kang Joon loved him as her own and raised him. She owned a very famous restaurant in America. One day after work, she was killed by a thief. Later on in the show, it showed that Kang Joon blamed Ma Ri for his mom’s death. Kang Joon and Ma Ri’s parents were going to get engaged and the idea Ma Ri came up with so that they wouldn’t was to make Kang Joon’s mom stay at work late which resulted her being killed..

Now, Kang Joon moved to South Korea with his aunt and uncle. Changing the subject to Gil Da Ran. She is Seo Yoon Jae’s fiancé. She is crazy in love with him but after a while she starts to worry if he feels the same way because lately, he has been distant. She asks him if he loves her over the phone. He wants to meet up with her and tell her truthfully. But guess what? THAT DOESN’T HAPPEN. Kang Joon meets Gil Da Ran for some odd reason. On Kang Joon’s way home, he gets into a car accident….So does Seo Yoon Jae.. THEY BOTH END UP IN THE WATER! Seo Yoon Jae ends up saving Kang Joon’s life.

This is where everything changes…DUN DUN DUN. They bring both of the boys back to the hospital and pronounce that Seo Yoon Jae is dead and that Kang Kyung Joon is in a coma. Gil Da Ran is outside of the door crying and all of a sudden walks out Seo Yoon Jae…DUN DUN DUN!! Gil Da Ran thinks is Seo Yoon Jae but he’s like no..I’m Kang Kyung Joon. UH-OH (haha reference you wouldn’t understand unless you watched the drama okey~~) This is where I stop telling the story. Wait have I talked about Jang Ma Ri yet??.. Well one thing I will include is that she’s Kang Joon’s stalker. She seriously doesn't hop of his jock until the last episode man.

Sounds juicy right? Whoever reads this and hasn’t seen the drama yet, GO WATCH IT.

Anyways now that I’m done spoiling the beginning of the movie (and sort of other juicy parts), I will say

how I felt about this drama.

I loved this drama A LOT. I don’t even think you understand. No, I didn’t cry but I got watery eyes multiple times. At the end of each episode, I was excited to see the next! The acting was alright. I’m not going to say it was super good because it wasn’t as intense as other dramas (those dramas were more serious I guess. Ex: City Hunter). The actors were super cute too! Gil Da Ran was really pretty and Seo Yoon Jae…..(; Yeah he was looking good. Hahaha. Something that bothered me somewhat was that the whole time in the drama, the real body of Kang Joon was in the bed through the whole show!! Seriously??! I’m sorry but I really wanted to see more of him so I really do hope they have a second season! Haha, even at the end they didn’t show him like really? But whatever, moving on~ I love the OST for this drama. The one song ‘너라서’. Every time this song played during the drama, I sang along. Most of the time my voice sounded like I was about to cry or something xD Now, I just found out even 6 minutes ago that the guy voice version of this song is sung by Gong Yoo??!!! (He plays Seo Yoon Jae by the way) Literally spazzing because his voice is so beautiful! My eyes water as I listen to it. NORASOOO, SARANGHAE. xD I love all scenes that happened in this drama except how obsessive, rude and psycho Jang Ma Ri was in this drama. Maybe they made her character that way to get feelings out of the viewers. If that’s why, then it worked because I screamed at my computer screen time to time xD I watched the show on viki.com and I always see other people’s text chats on the top of the screen. I enjoy seeing them!! Now when it came to end of the last episode of this show…Everybody was disappointed including me. I was seriously disappointed and upset. I wish there was another episode so they wouldn’t had squished the ending all into 2 minutes. I would’ve seriously enjoyed it if the ending had at least 15 minutes?! I really wanted to see Kang Joon’s face at least once at the end!! BUT NOOO, it was covered the whole time. WHY?  I also wanted to hear about how Seo Yoon Jae was doing..How the love of his life just ditched him ): And how the Kang Joon got along with his ‘new’ family. If they do not have a second season, I will be really upset because I loved this drama and I would’ve rated it a 10/10 but now I rated it a 9.5/10 (HAHA SERIOUSLY) because of that ending! Anyways, I will end this post with  Davichi’s  version of ‘너라서’. No matter what version of this song, it is pure beautiful. Listening to this makes me less upset about the ending. DEEP SIGH

HURM

Today was my mom’s birthday and it’s almost over (7/22 11:55PM) I think she enjoyed her birthday..? To be honest, I’ve been sad the whole time but a smile on my face trying to not ruin her day. I feel very trapped and there is nothing I can do about it. My mom is an amazing mother but because of our financial problems, my options are limited. And also because I am a teenager. SAD SAD FACE!! I feel like my life is short and that I’m just sitting around doing absolutely nothing. I think I grew up too fast..Older people say to enjoy life while your still young. I’ve tried but I don’t have a typical life other teenager have. Kids my age have a fun life and mine is very VERY boring somewhat because of my choice. Nobody really likes me. They either don’t have the same interest in me or just don’t think I’m pretty (main reason most of the time). I really don’t care. I don’t care if someone doesn’t like me. Most of the time, I don’t like them either. I can make a lot of friends if I went to school but they wouldn’t be my true, best friends. People that I could use their shoulder to cry on or hang out with at my house just talking for hours about stupid irrelevant things.. Everyone wants to do stuff I can’t and don’t want to do. I’m socially awkward. I’m all three definitions of socially awkward that is on urban dictionary. Should I include it? yes? Okayyy~
1.an individual excessively afraid of social interaction due to some form of peer rejection or personal choice. Presenting a form or different forms of uncomfortability when around others.
2.people who not only create awkward silences but also end them...
3.most homeschoolers
I’ve been socially awkward my whole life and this year I was homeschooled which I think made it worse. I remember one time a lady in Walmart came up to me and asked me one simple question….I had an anxiety attack and just stared at her. I didn’t say a word. HOW EMBARASSING. Anyways I think I got (or getting) off topic. This post is supposed to be about my dreams. How I wish and want my life to be like in the future.

let’s start

I’ve been avoiding high school but I can no longer run away from it if I want to make good grades. I don’t think I would last long doing high school via online. So that’s the first thing I want to do. Once I attend school, I want to make very good grades. After a few months of settling in, I want to make a good amount of TRUE friends that I always hang out and we have a lot in common (because srsly). If I can find a boyfriend that will stay by my side, then that’ll be nice. If don’t get a boyfriend then I really don’t care LOL. ~Continuing~ When I graduate from high school, I want to graduate with scholarships and go to whichever college I want to go to. I don’t expect to have much of a “exciting” life while I’m in college to be honest. After college, I will be looking for a job. In the meantime, I will start getting a portfolio done and look to sign with a modeling agency. I actually have a big passion for model practically my whole life. I would love to worry about modeling right now, but I have acne so that would be pointless. Anyways, once I get a job I’ll be financially stable enough to live on my own. During college me and Sandra will probably live in a studio together, but once we get job we can upgrade ;D Now that my life has finally started, I can live!! I think I will forever always blog so if I were to get popular off of blogging and started getting paid, my wishes came true. Honestly, how is blogging not the best job alive???? Even though I would be on my own and life would be tougher to me, I’m ready for it. If I follow what God wants me to do, I will live happily. Also,  just me working hard will help me to achieve a happy life. I want to wake up early in the morning, stretch while staring at a beautiful view from my bedroom window. I want to make a cup a coffee, get my papers together and head to work. Once I get to work, I want to be busy. And after a long day of working, I want to come home kick my shoes off, heat up a bowl of ramen and watch some dramas. I want to work hard for my money and then I want my hard work to pay off. Aka a somewhat of a luxurious lifestyle. Because I’m somewhat poor, little things to some people mean a lot to me. I won’t be buying bags that are $800 (that’s just really stupid) BUT my  house/apartment will be beautiful, I have a nice car that I fancy and I will eat out A LOT. Eating out is a big deal to me since my mother doesn’t really like doing that and doesn’t have the money to that since there is a lot of us. I really enjoy eating a restaurants so I plan to do that a lot in the future which is sort of wasting money. I want to live comfortably and I want to live happily. No money cannot buy you happiness, but I rather be crying in a Mercedes than in a hoopdy!  To be honest, I don’t even like Mercedes but you get what I’m saying. The only reason me and my family get depressed/sad is because of financial problems. If we were financially stable, I bet my mom would be 10x happier. Just imagining my life in the future, makes me feel at ease and happy. I cannot make it to the top if I slack and screw up. Next school year, education comes first. I’m sorry friends, but are you gonna put a roof over my head when I get on my own? I don’t think so. Majority of teenagers don’t care or prepare themselves for the future. I will end this post by saying they are retards.

YEEP.

Today sucked so much! Well I had a good day at first but then got into an argument with my mom and just got very quiet and blah. Today, I thought it  would be smart if I start back my studying of Korean. Going to be completely honest, I sort of gave up (just lazy) on learning Korean. I kept getting stuck on the alphabet!! How embarrassing but I kept forgetting what ‘ᄀ’ and ‘ᄂ’ sound!! About 5 months later, I finally know…….that…..they are basically ‘가’ and ‘나’

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But that’s okay!! At least I realized it eventually..Haha but seriously how could I not know that. Anyways, I’m gonna stay up all night studying because I now can now that I know that –.-

I have a huge headache but YAYY reviewing~~

I made two friends (yes FRIENDS otay!) Wahaha I finally got 2 penpals. I talk to Joy everyday (Yes, idk why he chose that 'as his American name but it’s cute la!~).. He studies idioms so I help him with that a lot. My other penpal I talk to via facebook but I don’t think he’s a big Facebook user because it’s barely updated so I’ll just wait~~ He’s gonna help me with my Korean though~~ Another yay haha. Now excuse me while I study~~ HARDYHARRHARR. These past two weeks have been very depressing to me for some odd reason (YES ODD because I never really get sad anymore) but this has put me back together hehehe so corny.

;(

I feel like crying and I think I just fallen into a deep hole of depression. My only true friend is busy and I just tried to talk to an old friend and since it’s been a while, they obviously didn’t care to hear my ‘sad’ story. I just tried to go to sleep but that didn’t work so I’ll just get straight to the story alright?
2 years ago, I was somewhat late for school. School had already started and I wasn’t signed up yet. While me and my mom were filling out papers, there was another boy sitting there with his mom all quiet. He was really cute and he looked like someone I would get along with very well (idk I can somewhat tell someone’s personality just by staring at him). That is when my crush started for him. But you know, I only saw him and searched for him all the time in school but after I gave up. THEN as one day, while my class was on bathroom break, I saw him ALLL the way down the hall. His classroom was also on bathroom break and I was just like YEEEP!!!~ To find out, my grandma’s foster kid (who was currently living with me at the time) had the same lunch period as him. So after a week of contemplating if I should send him a STUPID letter or not, I sent it to him with my number on it. He texted me (OOHLALA). But you know, I found out that he had a girlfriend and I didn’t mind at all!!! And I’m being serious about that. It would be really nice just to be friends with him. But I think his gf realized it was me because every time I saw her, she had a stank face???? Like chill, I’m not gonna mess with your relationship that’s messed up. It didn’t seem like he wanted to be friends with me at first to be honest. I felt that I was really annoying him so after a while of trying, I stopped texting him. But a month or so later, I texted him and we became we really good friends and it was awesome!! Like I felt comfortable talking to him on the phone (I called him okay I had the balls at that time). Guess what though?! I can NEVER talk to someone on the phone without freezing up and getting an anxiety attack. I kept the conversation going. And you know it does get awkward texting people to, but nope! Seriously, we would’ve made the best of friends man. But guess what happened next? His girlfriend deleted my number out of his phone and told him to not talk to me anymore. And I think she threatened to break up with him if he talked to me. And he said he cares about his girlfriend too much. It was really sad moment for me but I seriously understood where he was coming from. She was honestly lucky to have him as a boyfriend, but they aren’t together anymore. Ain’t that some crap….
I believe I’m blocked on his facebook account too. Haha WOW. I honestly think that was dumb because that was probably his girlfriend. That is a very jelly move, AND I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY. But you could’ve done better than that. Also because I’m not a loner, I have friends who have facebooks. But you know, I didn’t feel the need to stalk his page. There was no point. Time went on, I dated dudes ya know, and I made/had friends so I don’t need to be thinking of him. Psssh. Well there is something called memory. So after over a year (I would say 2), I look up his facebook page and BAM. All his statuses are basically about how much he sucks at getting girls, how ‘lonely’ he is, that he’s single, AND A BUNCH OF FREAKING SAD FACES. Wow, I could be his friend. Wow I could be his girlfriend.  He doesn’t even know I exist. What if he hates me, or creeped out by me????? I just want to be by his side and you know what? I can’t. I cannot add him on my second account on facebook. that’s creepy. I have absolutely no way of contacting him and thinking about it, I don’t even want to contact him because what if he hates me!!!!!!!! The only thing I can think about is contacting someone that I know is close to him. I’m somewhat friends with her and I just want to pour my heart out to her about him. Just because. I can’t do crap about this situation. I’m a freaking weirdo for liking someone FOR TWO YEARS who barely knows I exist. YES, I like him as a friend AND as more than a friend. But guess what? I can’t be one of those with him. This sucks wow what is this. I never really had this problem and I had this DGAF personality going on and I it’s wearing away man I sound like a baby. I don’t even know what to do. This sucks so much omg can I stop please. What if he saw this post, knew it was me and messaged me?? Even a negative message would be nice right now haha. ahhhhhhhhhhhh :/

merrrpp

My life has updated plenty in such a short time o;
Everything going on in my life had to go to a pause because I was moving. And because not everything is unpacked, my life is still on pause! I didn’t realize how lazy I have been because my mum just told me that I haven’t been doing anything??? Pssshh. I honestly hate moving. Probably because I moved A LOT and it gets tiring. Hopefully I don’t move again but I shouldn’t be surprised if we do though. A lot of things I want to get done now and fast but that’s not really happening. Every time I talk about things I want to do and complete in the future, I talk strongly like I’m going to make what I’m saying out my mouth happen but no I get into lazy mode and do absolutely nothing. I wanted to be fluent with Korean by next year so all I would have to worry about is my vocabulary and pronunciation and not the alphabet and combining the letters to make a word but noooOoOOOOOOOoooooooo!!!!! I’m still stuck at the alphabet!! I need to suck it all in because seriously I do not have time to be fooling around. Hopefully I don’t get like this by the time school starts. Even though I agreed to do homeschool next year, I am going to an actual school because I really need teachers. I need to make straight A’s and you can’t do that without teachers. Homeschooling made me appreciate and love teachers. Hahaha I will probably cry when I get my first report card and it’s all really good grades and I’ll just be screaming “I LOVE TEACHERS!!!!!!” ahhhhh. I just drank about 5 cups straight of green tea because for about a week I had to drink juice and soda because of the moving but now I have my lovelies back!! TEA AND WATER ♥ Guess what I’ve been doing with my spare time? If you guessed partying, hanging out with friends, YOU GUESSED WRONG. I’ve been reading this bible. Judge me~~ It’s quite interesting to be honest. I didn’t read the stories yet just the rules and all of revelation. Church is like a history class and you learn about God and the bible. I don’t really believe that you need to go to church but since I don’t know it all yet, it makes sense for me to attend. It’s 1:29PM and service starts at 3PM. I should stop writing and get dressed but nah not yet………..maybe because I ran out on what to say. You know what? Idk man I will probably finish this when I get home~~~~~~

-the next day- I did not even try to finish this yesterday o;