HURM

Today was my mom’s birthday and it’s almost over (7/22 11:55PM) I think she enjoyed her birthday..? To be honest, I’ve been sad the whole time but a smile on my face trying to not ruin her day. I feel very trapped and there is nothing I can do about it. My mom is an amazing mother but because of our financial problems, my options are limited. And also because I am a teenager. SAD SAD FACE!! I feel like my life is short and that I’m just sitting around doing absolutely nothing. I think I grew up too fast..Older people say to enjoy life while your still young. I’ve tried but I don’t have a typical life other teenager have. Kids my age have a fun life and mine is very VERY boring somewhat because of my choice. Nobody really likes me. They either don’t have the same interest in me or just don’t think I’m pretty (main reason most of the time). I really don’t care. I don’t care if someone doesn’t like me. Most of the time, I don’t like them either. I can make a lot of friends if I went to school but they wouldn’t be my true, best friends. People that I could use their shoulder to cry on or hang out with at my house just talking for hours about stupid irrelevant things.. Everyone wants to do stuff I can’t and don’t want to do. I’m socially awkward. I’m all three definitions of socially awkward that is on urban dictionary. Should I include it? yes? Okayyy~
1.an individual excessively afraid of social interaction due to some form of peer rejection or personal choice. Presenting a form or different forms of uncomfortability when around others.
2.people who not only create awkward silences but also end them...
3.most homeschoolers
I’ve been socially awkward my whole life and this year I was homeschooled which I think made it worse. I remember one time a lady in Walmart came up to me and asked me one simple question….I had an anxiety attack and just stared at her. I didn’t say a word. HOW EMBARASSING. Anyways I think I got (or getting) off topic. This post is supposed to be about my dreams. How I wish and want my life to be like in the future.

let’s start

I’ve been avoiding high school but I can no longer run away from it if I want to make good grades. I don’t think I would last long doing high school via online. So that’s the first thing I want to do. Once I attend school, I want to make very good grades. After a few months of settling in, I want to make a good amount of TRUE friends that I always hang out and we have a lot in common (because srsly). If I can find a boyfriend that will stay by my side, then that’ll be nice. If don’t get a boyfriend then I really don’t care LOL. ~Continuing~ When I graduate from high school, I want to graduate with scholarships and go to whichever college I want to go to. I don’t expect to have much of a “exciting” life while I’m in college to be honest. After college, I will be looking for a job. In the meantime, I will start getting a portfolio done and look to sign with a modeling agency. I actually have a big passion for model practically my whole life. I would love to worry about modeling right now, but I have acne so that would be pointless. Anyways, once I get a job I’ll be financially stable enough to live on my own. During college me and Sandra will probably live in a studio together, but once we get job we can upgrade ;D Now that my life has finally started, I can live!! I think I will forever always blog so if I were to get popular off of blogging and started getting paid, my wishes came true. Honestly, how is blogging not the best job alive???? Even though I would be on my own and life would be tougher to me, I’m ready for it. If I follow what God wants me to do, I will live happily. Also,  just me working hard will help me to achieve a happy life. I want to wake up early in the morning, stretch while staring at a beautiful view from my bedroom window. I want to make a cup a coffee, get my papers together and head to work. Once I get to work, I want to be busy. And after a long day of working, I want to come home kick my shoes off, heat up a bowl of ramen and watch some dramas. I want to work hard for my money and then I want my hard work to pay off. Aka a somewhat of a luxurious lifestyle. Because I’m somewhat poor, little things to some people mean a lot to me. I won’t be buying bags that are $800 (that’s just really stupid) BUT my  house/apartment will be beautiful, I have a nice car that I fancy and I will eat out A LOT. Eating out is a big deal to me since my mother doesn’t really like doing that and doesn’t have the money to that since there is a lot of us. I really enjoy eating a restaurants so I plan to do that a lot in the future which is sort of wasting money. I want to live comfortably and I want to live happily. No money cannot buy you happiness, but I rather be crying in a Mercedes than in a hoopdy!  To be honest, I don’t even like Mercedes but you get what I’m saying. The only reason me and my family get depressed/sad is because of financial problems. If we were financially stable, I bet my mom would be 10x happier. Just imagining my life in the future, makes me feel at ease and happy. I cannot make it to the top if I slack and screw up. Next school year, education comes first. I’m sorry friends, but are you gonna put a roof over my head when I get on my own? I don’t think so. Majority of teenagers don’t care or prepare themselves for the future. I will end this post by saying they are retards.