Random

It's 11:28AM and I was scrolling through instagram and found out a blogger I read got  plastic surgery so I wanted to go on their blog and see if they talked about it because I haven't been using the computer lately (as I explained why in my previous post)  so I wouldn't know. I'm in school aka no computer nor am I so desperate to search it on the web on my phone but that's fine since I have handy-dandy bloglovin downloaded! But I couldn't find her blog :( I wanted to see if I could find my own blog at least so I searched in my URL, but just the name part and realized that a lot of Vietnamese people also use this name or actually have their first name as Liling (this was my whole point btw) wtf so weird. I never really say my URL out loud but I love it because it reminds me "Lilly" and I really like that name and that's the main reason when I randomly found this name on a baby name website (hahaha), I used it. I follow/admire a lot of Asian bloggers in the Malaysia/Singapore area. I have interest in South Korea and their language whereas I also have interest in someday learning other Asian languages like Chinese and Vietnamese. It feels so awkward that these are some things about me PLUS my URL is Asian (slecifically Chinese from my research) PLUSPLUSPLUS. It's extremely awkward since the only Asian I would have in me is Indian LOL (I did want to learn Hindi also but the language looks like it's doing too much-same with Chinese but Chinese could benefit me way more than Hindi job-wise). I feel like my interests are just flowing through like wind and wish people would think of me the same way I do. First when I was young a combination of central/South America and India. Then European countries like Russia, Germany and Sweden. I just happen to be in Asia and now at an age where I have to decided to stay in one place until I fulfill my mission in this area aka become freaking fluent in Korean before moving on to not just a differen continent but NOT even a different country in this cotinent man. Idk I'm not really making sense right now but i think I got my point over. Lunch has ended so I shall be walking to English class which I'm already dreading.

Word?

Unemployed, too old to sign for most lacrosse camps, lonely, fat and bored.

Really wish I had a job- recently found out about a website selling awesome shoes (shoes is what i mainly spend all my money on when i had a job) but I will not dare to gaze because there is no point since i'm legit broke.

Wanted to start fresh and improve my lacrosse during the summer but mainly all of the camps are for age groups that only go up to 16. wtf! big kids want to improve their skill too!! 

Legit a loner. Don't really mind but just so sad haha I really do miss hanging out with my friends and actually having people to talk to in school (at least at lunch man! i freaking study math during an HOUR long lunch. you really think i want to be doing that? ugh)

My mom has 5 kids and we all lived together until about a month ago. Now it's just 3 of us with my mom and I don't think she is used to this less amount of mouths to feed aka a lot of food aka i'm gaining weight (technically i'm not since i work out a lot but this just means i don't lose weight fml)

I don't have any friends nor have I been fascinated with Tumblr or a drama recently so I have been extremely bored doing absolutely nothing around my house. 

ALSO: my computer broke!! I really have no clue why but now that I finally want to include pictures in my posts, I'm not able to since I'm always using one of my mom's computers and that's awkward. Well we'll see. I'll see with everything- what direction things will go. Hmm very curious 

refreshing.

People change. They still have the same characteristics but they are changed. You turned into the poop that comes out my ass. Yep; there is no other way to put that. You are not dead to me because you are very much alive but just a person I can no longer appreciate because there is no reason to. We all make excuses for things sometimes. I even admit that I sometimes make excuses because it’s true. There is no excuse for this situation though. I think by now, anyone and everyone who has talked to me at least once in somewhat depth knows that I prefer people who are blunt and cut to the chase. I’m annoying? Please let me know. I’m irritating you? Please let me know. It’s hilarious how I was your bestfriend for all the years and you still do not ever confront me. Now I realize that I wasn’t your bestfriend, just a person that pestered you.
It’s okay because now you also pester me so now we are both even. Just like you, I will be mute and put others before you. I will not think of you and our memories we shared because it has become irrelevant to me. If this is your definition of being a bestfriend, then I must say you have a sick way of thinking or you’re simply a everyday jokester. I always thought of myself (I also thought of others but barely expressed it since I always talked about myself) but now it’s opposite; you only think of yourself. I will not wish you happiness but I wish you felt the pain I felt trying to make this friendship last. Shout out to my homies who kept it real since day 1 and still are even though I have moved. My friend who told me I was doing too much when I was hyper in class, and told me I was clingy with an ugly guy and went overboard: I appreciate you. I don’t know, I think simple things like that, you should be doing with your friends. Sharing your honest opinions and being there for each other regardless of situations. of course I’m writing  a blog post about this because #1: I can and #2: this person was once someone very important in my life and it’s hilarious how they were so important to me and I wasn’t anything lol and that’s not how I roll so I will sashay away because she’s tragic and just another situation I believe I should not be sweating about.

I learned a lot recently. I’m learning and getting closer to being a happy person. Deleted a lot of numbers in my phone and deleted many people off of social networks. They were people who I tried to socialize with but they treated me like an irrelevant person so it’s now my turn to treat you like they are irrelevant because they are now at this point. Now I’m realizing things like this, I hope to see my posts gradually becoming more positive.

I was gonna post some selfies to this post but my computer is acting crazy so I will just end it here and continue to surf the web~~