It's 4:40AM and I'm wide awake wishing certain aspects of my life were better. (I don't know the exact meaning of "aspect" so hopefully I used it right- too lazy to google it).
I wish I could be smiling or actually, at this time..be sleeping. I'm sitting here with an expressionless face which seems quite pathetic to me right now. Sobbing will not change a thing about my life. Insomnia. Depression. Aniexty. I wish all three of you would leave my life permanently. You make my life harder than it really needs to be and I'm sick of it. I cannot promise that I will not think about dying but I will promise I will no longer try to die. You know why? It's really not worth it. I will not know whether or not my future will be bright if I'm dead. My friend told me that not every single day is bad which is true. I have more bad days than good ones but that might just mean my future will have more good days than bad ones. It will all pay off in the end. Nothing that pays off is easy like high scool and college so I should not give up so easily. I will eventually win this tug of war but of course, that is if I get off my butt and try. I guess I was just my shoulder to cry on which means friends aren't as important and I should care for them. I will be alone in two so I should think of it as a norm right now.
The text in this post is not organized yet that doesn't matter since this is my blog and most likely only one other person would read this. Goodnight~ most likely will watch a drama rather than sleep
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